Monday, April 29, 2024

Andy Borowitz

The Borowitz Report 

4:05 AM (3 hours ago)
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golden retriever puppy lying on floor
Bill Stephan on Unsplash

PIERRE, SOUTH DAKOTA (The Borowitz Report)—In an incident under investigation by state police, a puppy of indeterminate breed obtained access to Gov. Kristi Noem's official residence Sunday night and excreted on the entryway carpet.

A police spokesman said that the act of canine vandalism is believed to be "political in nature."

At a hastily called press conference, a visibly rattled Noem called the puppy's actions "a result of Joe Biden's failed policies at the border."

"Bad puppies are swarming into our country, breaking into our homes, and committing unspeakable crimes," she said. 

But, in a worrisome development for Noem, a new poll shows South Dakota's voters favoring the puppy over her by a two-to-one margin.

Juan Matute
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