Wednesday, March 27, 2024

Andy Borowitz

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Bill Clark/CQ Roll Call

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Drowning in debt, Donald J. Trump has been forced to unload his treasured collection of over two hundred Republican congresspersons.

"If the Joe Biden legal system can make me sell my politicians, it can make you sell yours," he warned supporters at a rally in Michigan. "This should never be allowed to happen in this country."

But even as the indicted businessman put his used legislators on the block, economist Davis Logsdon, who tracks the resale market for public officials, questioned how much they will fetch.

"The first thing any prospective buyer of preowned politicians wants to know is, what condition are they in?" he said. "Unfortunately, many of these House Republicans are missing such crucial features as brains and spines, and, in the case of the men, two other parts."

The economist cited the cautionary example of Koch Industries, which had to withdraw Rep. Matt Gaetz from eBay in February after he drew a top bid of $30.

Juan Matute
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― The Lincoln Project

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