Andy Borowitz

Trump Accuses Kamala Harris of 

Maliciously Speaking in 

Complete Sentences

By Andy Borowitz

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Senator Kamala Harris saw her approval rating soar on 

Tuesday after Donald J. Trump reminded the American people that she had been "nasty" to Brett 

Kavanaugh during his confirmation hearings.

In interviews across the country, voters expressed gratitude to Trump for reminding them that 

Harris had been responsible for one of their favorite televised moments in recent history.
"When Trump said that she had been 'nasty' to Kavanaugh, I had to go to YouTube and relive

 that glorious event," Carol Foyler, who lives in Springfield, Missouri, said. "It really holds up."

Harland Dorrinson, who lives in Wichita, Kansas, agreed. "Watching Kamala Harris own 

Kavanaugh made me happy for weeks," he said. "I have to thank Trump for making that 

happy memory come flooding back."

Canter Lisson, who lives in Portland, Maine, also appreciated being reminded of Harris's 

demolition of Kavanaugh, but he sounded a wistful note.

"It's too bad that, if she's elected Vice-President, she won't have many opportunities to be 

'nasty' to Brett Kavanaugh," he said. "Still, I'll always be grateful for the one time I saw her 

be 'nasty' to him. It gave me a reason to live."

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I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my Ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.