Tuesday, March 31, 2020

Andy Borowitz

America's Teachers Urge Trump 

to Use Time at Home to Repeat 

First Grade

US President Donald Trump participates in a meeting.
Photograph by Jim Watson / AFP / Getty

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump should use this time when he is 
staying at home to repeat first grade,
the executive director of the National Alliance of Elementary Educators,
said that the homebound Trump has a "golden opportunity" to use remote learning to repeat the first-grade curriculum.
"At a time when many of our nation's children are being homeschooled, this seems like the perfect time for President
 Trump to learn the basics of reading, writing, and math," she said. 
"By June, he could be reading 'Hop on Pop' and 'Go, Dog, Go!' "

She added that anyone at the White House would be qualified to homeschool Trump, "except Jared."
Foyler acknowledged that the plan for Trump to repeat first grade had faced dissent from some of the nation's teachers, 
who felt strongly that he should first repeat kindergarten.  "From an educational standpoint, the kindergarten curriculum is mainly
devoted to socialization and getting along with others," she said. "I think the ship has sailed on that."
That disagreement aside, Foyler said that the nation's elementary educators were prepared to offer Trump 
a broad array of online learning resources. "He will have everything he needs to repeat first grade while 
Dr. Fauci runs the country," she said.

Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose.

- Kris Kristofferson

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