Wednesday, September 5, 2018

Andy Borowitz

Satire from The Borowitz Report
Trump Furious That Woodward's Book Is Written at Seventh-Grade Reading Level

Photograph by Mandel Ngan / AFP / Getty

By Andy Borowitz10:17 A.M.

Photograph by Mandel Ngan / AFP / Getty
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump obtained an advance copy of Bob Woodward's new book Monday evening and was "furious" to discover that Woodward had written it at a seventh-grade reading level, a White House aide has confirmed.

The aide, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said that Trump was convinced that Woodward wrote the book for seventh-grade readers to make its assertions impossible for Trump to refute.

"Trump was turning page after page, becoming increasingly angry at its gratuitous use of a seventh-grade vocabulary," the aide said. "It was like it was written entirely in a secret code."

At one point, Trump became so frustrated trying to decipher the word "imbecilic" that he hurled the book across the room.

"Book bad!" he reportedly shouted.

According to the aide, Trump's daughter Ivanka is dreading that she will be called upon to read the Woodward book aloud to her father, as he has demanded she do with books by James Comey and Omarosa Manigault Newman.

"In the past, Ivanka has begged off by saying she was too busy running her company, but she can't do that anymore," the aide said.


"I fell in love with my country when I was a prisoner in someone else's."
- John McCain

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