Mueller Reportedly Considering Appropriate Thank-You Gift for Giuliani
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The special counsel, Robert Mueller, is actively considering what would be the most appropriate thank-you gift to send to the former New York mayor Rudolph Giuliani, a source close to Mueller's team has confirmed.
According to the source, Mueller and his team were behind closed doors on Thursday morning to discuss the gift and appear to be close to a decision.
"They've been around and around on this, but a consensus seems to be forming on a bottle of single-malt Scotch," the source said.
Moments after the news of Mueller's gift to Giuliani leaked, however, Michael Avenatti, Stormy Daniels's lawyer, indicated that he had already sent Giuliani a single-malt Scotch on Thursday morning and advised Mueller to select an alternative gift, such as Dom Pérignon champagne or beluga caviar.
Responding to Avenatti's comments, federal prosecutors investigating Michael Cohen issued a statement asserting that they had, in fact, sent Giuliani an entire case of champagne last night, which would appear to leave caviar as Mueller's only remaining gift option.
The source close to Mueller said that, no matter what gift the special counsel ultimately chooses, it will be an inadequate token of gratitude. "You can't put a price tag on what Rudy has done for Bob," the source said.