WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—A microwave oven that was present at last Thursday's contentious White House meeting on immigration has confirmed that Donald J. Trump did, in fact, use the word "shithole," as has been reported.
The microwave, which Trump uses to heat up popcorn, pizza rolls, and a variety of other snacks, offered its account in an official statement released on Tuesday afternoon.
"As a microwave oven in the Oval Office, I am in a unique position to hear what is said by the President in all of his meetings," the microwave said. "There is no doubt in my mind that he used the word 'shithole' in the way described by Senator Richard Durbin and others."
The microwave said that it had no partisan axe to grind in making its statement but was coming forward merely as a "concerned appliance."
Minutes after the microwave's statement, the White House press secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, sneered at the oven's assertion that it was impartial in the debate over immigration. "Like most microwave ovens, it came from another country," she said.