WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Several prominent Nazis said on Tuesday that they feel "neglected and hurt" by what they see as the Republican
Party's decision to court child molesters instead. After the Republican National Committee agreed to fund the alleged child molester Roy Moore's campaign
for the United States Senate, aggrieved Nazis called the move a blatant attempt to pander to the child-molester vote.
"It seems like just last summer President Trump was saying what 'fine people' we were," Heinz Dorrinson, an embittered Nazi from Mississippi, said.
"Now it seems like all he can think about is his precious child molesters."
Dorrinson warned that, in their frenzy to woo the child-molester vote, Republicans were playing a dangerous game by taking the Nazi vote for granted.
"President Trump needs to remember who put him in the White House," Dorrinson said. "Nazis have feelings, too."
In Washington, the Senate Majority Leader, Mitch McConnell, said that the battle between Nazis and child molesters for control
of the Republican Party was largely an invention of the media.The Republican Party in 2017 is a place where both Nazis and child molesters can
feel at home," McConnell said.
Patriotism is not a short and frenzied outburst of emotion but the tranquil and steady dedication of a lifetime.
- Adlai Stevenson