VIRGINIA AND NEW JERSEY (The Borowitz Report)—Throwing caution to the wind, voters in Virginia and New Jersey on Tuesday night overturned the political applecar
t and chose as their new governors two men with no reality-show experience whatsoever.
Republican officials were staggered by the voters' decision because, historically, reality shows have been a reliable proving ground for the nation's finest leaders.
Ronna Romney McDaniel, the chairwoman of the Republican National Committee, said that the voters' risky bet on two men who had never set foot on a reality-show
stage showed that the electorate was acting "emotionally and not rationally."
"You look at the résumés of these two men and you won't find 'Survivor,' you won't find 'Big Brother,' you won't find 'The Bachelor,' " she said.
"What we have are two individuals who are, to put it mildly, unfit for office."
"This is not normal," she said.
She gave both winning candidates credit for tapping into the angry voters' anti-reality-show mood, but she warned, "Once these two have been in office, I think
voters will start longing for someone who had at least won an immunity idol or swallowed a live caterpillar."
Patriotism is not a short and frenzied outburst of emotion but the tranquil and steady dedication of a lifetime.
- Adlai Stevenson