Satire from The Borowitz Report
Mike Pence Considering Running for President in 1820
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Vice-President Mike Pence is seriously considering running for President in 1820, various sources confirmed over the weekend.
According to several prominent Republican donors, Pence is already laying the groundwork for such a campaign, outlining what he believes are the most serious challenges facing 1820 America.
In a conference call with donors last week, Pence reportedly said that, as President, his No. 1 priority would be to repeal and replace the Bill of Rights.
He offered a sneak preview of a potential 1820 stump speech, in which he unleashed a brutal attack on the Bill of Rights' author, James Madison, and called for the development of the telegraph key.
According to Harland Dorrinson, a donor who was on the conference call, "Mike believes he's the right man to bring America into the nineteenth century, just like he did for Indiana."
But minutes after the rumors were reported, the Vice-President pushed back, putting quill to parchment to call the reports "bunkum and balderdash."
"America already has the perfect man to lead it in 1820, and that man is Donald J. Trump," Pence wrote.
In Washington, some political insiders also threw cold water on the Pence-in-1820 talk, arguing that the timing was not right. "Pence's best shot was 1620," one said.
Patriotism is not a short and frenzied outburst of emotion but the tranquil and steady dedication of a lifetime.
- Adlai Stevenson