SATIRE FROM THE BOROWITZ REPORT
WHITE HOUSE ON LOCKDOWN AFTER TELEVISION IS HURLED OUT WINDOW
By Andy Borowitz 12:10 P.M.
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The White House was on lockdown Thursday morning after a television was hurled out of a window, the Secret Service reported.
The incident, which occurred shortly after 10 a.m. E.S.T., caught the attention of the Secret Service after agents heard the sound of smashing glass emanating from the Oval Office.
"The sound was consistent with that of a large object, such as a television set, being thrown through a closed window," a Secret Service spokesman said.
The television, which crashed to the ground outside the Oval Office, injured no one, the Secret Service confirmed.
A group of fourth-grade students from Bethesda, Maryland, was on a White House tour when the incident involving the television occurred.
"I heard someone screaming lots of swear words and then, like, this big crash," Zach Dorrinson, a student on the tour, said. "It was messed up."
Patriotism is not a short and frenzied outburst of emotion but the tranquil and steady dedication of a lifetime.
- Adlai Stevenson