SATIRE FROM THE BOROWITZ REPORT
MAN RAVAGED BY AMNESIA SOMEHOW ABLE TO HOLD DOWN DEMANDING LEGAL JOB
By Andy Borowitz June 13, 2017
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—An Alabama man whose brain was ravaged by severe amnesia is somehow able to function in an extremely demanding legal job, leading neurologists reported on Tuesday.
The man, whom neurologists are calling a "medical mystery," has performed highly exacting tasks in one of the country's top legal positions despite having virtually no short- or long-term memory.
Dr. Davis Logsdon, the chairman of the neurology department at the University of Minnesota Medical School, said that the Alabaman's brain "defies explanation."
"In all the medical literature, we have never seen an example of someone capable of holding down such a high-powered job while having no memory whatsoever of people he met, things he said, places he has been, or thoughts he has had," Logsdon said. "It's the stuff of science fiction."
Logsdon said that his team of neurologists was studying video of the man in the hopes of understanding the paradoxical functioning of his brain, but Logsdon acknowledged that such a task was challenging. "After listening to him talk for hours, your own brain starts to hurt," he said.
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