SATIRE FROM THE BOROWITZ REPORT
TRUMP TO SPLIT TIME BETWEEN TRUMP TOWER AND KREMLIN
By Andy Borowitz 10:39 A.M.
Photograph by Yadid Levy / Anzenberger / Redux
NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Donald Trump stirred controversy on Monday by revealing that he intends to spend only half his time as President at the Kremlin—and the remainder at Trump Tower in Manhattan.
His decision to limit his time at the Kremlin reportedly stemmed from his wife Melania's desire not to uproot the Trump family by relocating full-time to Moscow.
"It was part of the deal when he ran for President that he would go to the Kremlin and she would stay behind in New York," a source close to the Trumps said.
Appearing on Russian television, Trump surrogate Kellyanne Conway said that Trump's decision to split his time between Moscow and New York would have "no impact whatsoever" on his ability to function as an integral part of the Kremlin team.
"Mr. Trump doesn't need to be physically down the hall from President Putin," she said. "When he's at Trump Tower, they're on the phone with each other all day. It's all good."
In a televised interview later in the day, however, the Russian President expressed displeasure at the amount of time that Trump plans to be away from the Kremlin. "This is not what Russian taxpayers paid for," he said.
H. L. Mencken
Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.
H. L. Mencken