Andy Borowitz

BOROWITZ REPORT

TRUMP TO STEP AWAY FROM MAKING HIS BUSINESSES BANKRUPT TO FOCUS ON BANKRUPTING COUNTRY

By Andy Borowitz , NOVEMBER 30, 2016

PHOTOGRAPH BY SUSAN WATTS / NY DAILY NEWS / GETTY

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—President-elect Donald J. Trump will no longer have day-to-day responsibility for driving his businesses into bankruptcy and will instead focus on bankrupting the country, one of his leading surrogates said on Wednesday.

Appearing on Fox News, Kellyanne Conway said that while Trump no doubt could "plunge both his businesses and the country into bankruptcy at the same time," he feels that he "owes it to the American people to put them first."

Acknowledging that Trump has no government experience, Conway said that his years of bankrupting a variety of companies would prove "invaluable" as he does the same to the United States.

"It's going to surprise a lot of people when they see how great he is at this," she said.

On a related matter, Conway said that Trump would allow professional managers to oversee his fraudulent enterprises, like the now defunct Trump University, so that he can concentrate on defrauding the entire country.

"There is a big difference between conning a few thousand students at a phony university and swindling a nation of more than three hundred million people," she said. "Mr. Trump is well aware that this is going to be a full-time job."

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Juan
 

"Picking up the pieces and making sense of it all, and then trying to put it all back together is the new game in town"