PHOTOGRAPH BY SPENCER PLATT / GETTY

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Donald Trump has surged ahead of Hillary Clinton in a new poll conducted by Trump's brain.

The poll, taken after Trump's brain perceived that he demolished Clinton in the third and final Presidential debate, shows him ahead of Clinton, sixty-four per cent to thirty-one per cent.

In a sign that his criticism of Clinton has been just fantastic, a majority of imaginary voters in Trump's head agree that she is a "nasty woman," with more than seventy per cent calling her "crooked," "sad," and a "disgrace."

In more incredibly amazing good news for the G.O.P. nominee, Trump's brain reports that his standing with women has markedly improved, with ninety per cent calling him "extremely handsome" and "sexy."