SAN JOSE, CALIFORNIA (The Borowitz Report)—Unless the United States builds a wall, Mexicans will swarm across the border, enroll in law school en masse, and eventually become biased judges, Donald J. Trump warned supporters on Monday.
At a rally in San Jose, the presumptive Republican nominee said that "making America great again" meant preventing the nation from becoming "overrun by Mexican judges."
"We don't win anymore," he told the crowd. "We don't win at judges."
While Trump offered no specific facts to support his latest allegations, he said that he had heard about the threat of incoming Mexican judges firsthand from border-patrol agents.
"They see hundreds of these Mexicans, and they're coming across the border with lsat-prep books," he said. "It's a disgrace."
In a line that drew a rousing ovation from supporters, Trump blasted Mexican leaders for their role in the crisis, claiming, "They're sending us their worst people: lawyers."