Monday, January 4, 2016

Andy Borowitz

Oregon Considers Wall to Keep Out Angry White Men



BURNS, OREGON (The Borowitz Report)—A majority of Oregonians favor building a twenty-foot wall along the border of their state to prevent angry white men from getting in, a poll released on Monday shows.

The survey indicates that Oregonians are fed up with irate male Caucasians pouring into their state and bringing with them guns, violence, and terrorism.

"This used to be such a nice state," said Oregon State Senator Carol Foyler, a pro-wall lawmaker. "Since the angry white men came here, parts of it are unrecognizable."

But even as support for the Oregon wall grows, critics of the proposal say that it does nothing to address the fact that there are already thousands of angry white men living in the state.

Those critics favor forcibly removing the angry white men through mass deportations and resettling them elsewhere, possibly in Texas.

While some argue that the deportation of angry white men would separate them from their families, others believe that their families would be O.K. with seeing them go.


The National Rifle Association aids and abets gun violence.

- An American Story

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