AMES, IOWA (The Borowitz Report)—Presidential candidate Donald Trump revealed a little-known episode of personal heroism from his youth on Saturday, telling an Iowa audience that he narrowly avoided capture in Vietnam by remaining in the United States for the duration of the war.
"The Cong were after me," Trump said, visibly stirred by the memory. "And then, just in the nick of time, I got my deferment."
The former reality-show star said he had never shared his record as a war hero before because "I don't like to boast."
He said that he only disclosed the episode now because "the way this nation treats our deferment veterans is a disgrace."
Trump complained that he received no official commendation or medal for his heroism, calling the lack of recognition "shameful."
"Those brave Americans who, like me, avoided being captured by not serving at all—we are the true heroes," he said.
Trump's tale of valor appeared to move many members of his audience, some of whom waited in line after his speech to thank him for his lack of service.