Andy Borowitz

Rick Perry Orders Dallas Cowboys to Mexican Border

BY ANDY BOROWITZ

CreditPhotograph by James D Smith/AP.

DALLAS (The Borowitz Report)—In his boldest move yet to address the immigration crisis, on Thursday Texas Governor Rick Perry dispatched the Dallas Cowboys to the United States' border with Mexico.

In a photo opportunity with the Cowboys and several of the team's cheerleaders, Perry explained the rationale behind his latest decision. "Those who would cross our borders illegally will have to contend with the power and fury of America's Team," he said.

Critics of the move dismissed it as political theatre, noting that once the Cowboys arrived at the border it was unclear what they would do there.

Additionally, there were questions about how effective the Cowboys would be in stopping illegal immigrants, since the team has the worst-ranked defense in the N.F.L.

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The problem in defense is how far you can go without destroying from within what you are trying to defend from without.

-- Dwight D. Eisenhower