WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio) dropped his plans to sue President Obama on Friday, explaining to reporters, "I realized it would mean doing something."
In a brief appearance before the press, Speaker Boehner talked about his gradual realization that "filing a lawsuit requires effort and, yes, work."
"I came to the conclusion that while suing the President would be the best thing for the American people, it would also require that I do something," he said, struggling to retain his composure. "And that would be a betrayal of everything I stand for."
Mr. Boehner's decision drew praise from fellow Republicans, including Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Kentucky), who called it "courageous."
"I know this was a very difficult decision for John," McConnell said. "But at the end of the day you have to be true to your core values."
Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.