LOS ANGELES (The Borowitz Report)—The Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling offered a "total and remorseful" apology for his racist comments today, telling reporters, "Once I saw that Donald Trump was defending me, I knew I had done something horribly wrong."
Sterling acknowledged that he had turned a blind eye to a mountain of criticism from basketball luminaries and national leaders, but said that seeing Trump defend him on Fox News on Monday had left him "shaken."
"Look, I know I'm not perfect," he said. "But when Donald Trump takes your side, you have to take a long, hard look in the mirror and ask yourself, 'Have I become some kind of monster?'"
What's more important than who's going to be the first black manager is who's going to be the first black sports editor of the New York Times. - - Bill Russell