NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—New York City mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner stirred controversy today by continuing to send dirty texts throughout a press conference devoted to apologizing for his behavior.
Mr. Weiner was halfway through his apology when reporters noticed him remove a phone from his pocket and aim its camera lens unmistakably in the direction of his pants.
After seeing the candidate snap a photo of the pants region and then send a text, reporters bombarded Mr. Weiner with questions, asking him if he had in fact just sexted.
"Yes, I did, but I swear this was the last time," he said. "This behavior is now behind me."
Mr. Weiner then concluded his press conference by removing his shirt and snapping a quick shot of his naked torso.
According to the latest New York City poll, Mr. Weiner still has a commanding lead among voters who describe themselves as pervs.
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.