WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) — By a five-to-four vote, the Supreme Court today acted, in the words of Justice Antonin Scalia, "to relieve millions of Americans from the onerous burden of having to vote."
Writing for the majority, Justice Scalia stated, "Since 1965, citizens across the nation have lived under the tyranny of being forced to elect people to represent them. This is an important step to free them from that unfair and heinous obligation."
Justice Scalia added that the Voting Rights Act had "thrust upon the shoulders of millions of Americans the terrible and unwanted burden of exercising their rights in a democracy."
"Many of them have been forced to drive to polling places, wait in line, and then cast their vote because of the oppressive requirements of this Act," he wrote. "It is our honor and duty to free them from those hardships."
In conclusion, Justice Scalia wrote, "Our message today to the American people is simple: we are voting so you won't have to."
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? -- Groucho Marx