WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The National Rifle Association leader Wayne LaPierre today defended his decision to purchase the former congressman Asa Hutchinson, after an outspoken N.R.A. member complained that the organization should be using its funds to buy current congressmen only.
Shortly after Mr. Hutchinson appeared at a press conference in Washington to present the N.R.A.'s plan to arm teachers and other school personnel, N.R.A. dissident Tracy Klugian blasted the purchase of the former Arkansas representative.
"Members of the N.R.A. fork over millions of dollars to this organization," he said. "That money should be used to buy people who are actually in Congress now, not some has-been like Hutchinson who doesn't even have a vote anymore."
Mr. Klugian said that as he watched former Rep. Hutchinson at the podium, "It made my blood boil, especially when I thought about all of the current congressmen out there who are totally for sale."
Not long after Mr. Klugian made his comments, Mr. LaPierre pushed back: "The purchase of Asa Hutchinson did not and will not prevent the N.R.A. from buying a single additional congressman in the future. Period."
While refusing to divulge the purchase price for Mr. Hutchinson, Mr. LaPierre reassured the N.R.A. membership, "We got a very good deal on Asa. There wasn't exactly a bidding war."
In a separate statement, Mr. Hutchinson said, "A free and lively exchange of views is what makes the N.R.A. such a great organization—and is why I'm so proud to be owned by it."
"A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election." -- Bill Vaughan