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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene has been inconsolable since she discovered on Wednesday that Jesus Christ was Jewish, the Georgia congresswoman has confirmed.
"I wanted to be a hundred percent positive that Jews killed our Lord, so I looked on the Internet," Greene told reporters. "I went to Jesus's Wikipedia page, where I was hoping to find information about Him being handed over to King Herod by the Jewish gazpacho."
Instead, she said, "there was all of this stuff about Jesus being a rabbi and whatnot, and I started breaking out in hives."
Greene said that she was holding out hope that the information about Jesus's religion was wrong, "the way things on the Internet sometimes are."
"Maybe instead of being Jewish, He was just 'Jew-ish,' like George Santos," she said. "Anyway, I just ordered one of President Trump's $60 Bibles and I'm praying there's none of this Jesus-is-a-Jew nonsense in there."
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