Eric Schmitt Hospitalized After Walking Into Wall

Inbox

The Borowitz Report borowitzreport@substack.com
Unsubscribe

4:20 AM (2 hours ago)
to me
Forwarded this email? Subscribe here for more
Saul Loeb / AFP via Getty Images

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In yet another setback for the embattled lawmaker, on Monday Senator Eric Schmitt (R-Missouri) was rushed to the hospital after walking into a wall.

According to sources close to the senator, the mishap was not unusual for Schmitt, who has a history of stabbing his forehead with a fork while attempting to eat.

Schmitt’s behavior “raises serious concerns about his cognitive health,” said Senator Mitch McConnell (R-Kentucky).

In an update on Schmitt’s condition, a spokesman at Walter Reed Army Medical Center said, “At present, Senator Schmitt is unable to say where he is or who he is. So he seems normal.”