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SCOTLAND (The Borowitz Report)—Massive celebrations erupted across Scotland on Wednesday to celebrate what Scots called "the glorious departure of Donald Trump."
According to Scottish historian Hamish McDorrinson, the spontaneous festivities were the largest since the nation's triumph in the Battle of Bannockburn in 1314.
In the hours since Air Force One carried Trump out of their country's air space, Scots are estimated to have drunk 3.7 million gallons of whisky, besting the record set by Pete Hegseth.
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Juan Matute
The Harold Wilke House
Claremont, California
Humpty Trumpty Shat on His Wall
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